thirteen things.

I apologize for always being too lazy to actually come up with a topic for my blog posts and always writing lists. Oh well, here it is.

1>>My diet currently consists mainly of goldfish crackers and fruit snacks. And I am totally okay with that. I don't call myself a college student for nothing.

2>>Sometimes in the late hours of the night when I should really be sleeping, I make really rash decisions. Like letting boys wear/borrow my blue tights. Don't ask.

3>>The past couple days/week/couple weeks have definitely not been the best. In fact, at times it's been awful. And it's times like that when I'm really grateful for my patriarchal blessing. It's already been such a blessing in my life.

4>>I've decided that sometimes, it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be upset and hurt. But eventually, you need to accept how things are and learn to move on. Forget the things that have hurt you and made you angry, but never forget what they've taught you.

5>>I'm obsessed with One Tree Hill. And I will not stop watching until I get through all the seasons. Chad Michael Murray=babe.

6>>Despite the facts that it's fills with bugs, the doors and cupboards all creak, there are several people I'm not a huge fan of, and it was probably formerly an insane asylum, my building is easily the best.

7>>I love my sister more than anything in the world and I'm so grateful for her. :)

8>>I think everyone deserves a second chance. People are put into situations that make them seem like something they aren't, and you can't judge a person based on one thing they do. There's always things about people that you don't know; things that happened in their past, struggles their dealing with. Don't act like you know people when you don't.

9>>Working two jobs just might kill me. I just hope it's worth it.

10>>This weekend will be fantastic. Not only am I going home, but I will be attending the BYU vs USU football game, AND it's General Conference weekend. Holla!

11>>One of the worst feelings is knowing someone is hurting and not being able to do anything to help them. 

12>>I think I've learned more in the month and a half that I've been in Logan than I learned all through high school. It's a weird feeling, knowing that I'm changing. Hopefully it's for the better.

13>>"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." --emerson 

Freshmeat.

I like college, yes I do. 

Why?

1.  (For the most part) people are all really friendly. 

2.  Sometimes repair men in the laundry room pay for my laundry. (Made my day.)

3.  Cute boys.

4.  Meeting so many new people.

5.  My ward is awesome and does fun activities such as redneck watersliding.

6.  Cute boys.

 7.  Getting out of my comfort zone and being outgoing seems so much easier here.

8.  Seeing people from high school is (kind of) rare. (No offense.)

9. I got extremely lucky and have really cool roommates.

10.  The teachers actually like students and teaching.

11. The fact that there's so many more people than in high school.

12.  Logan is so pretty. I can't wait for fall. 

So despite the facts that I still don't have a job, I really miss (a few) people from home, I live in a former insane asylum (not really. But really), and I suddenly feel like a seventh grader all over again, I'm loving it here.

Peace out, homies.

the beginning!

 I'm pretty sure there's only like... three people who ever read this. But who cares! I'm going to write about it anyway. Yesterday I moved into my apartment at Utah State. Two of my roommates have also moved in, but they're staying with relatives nearby, so they're here... but they're not actually here. One of them is coming in a couple hours, and another one is coming tomorrow. Who knows about the rest. 

So.

Yesterday my parents drove down with all my stuff in the van, and me and my sister came in the car. I realized I forgot my curler and straightener like half an hour into the drive, so we had to go back and get those... but we got here eventually! When we got here we went to a short orientation thing, then unpacked everything. Which took FOREVER. Glad that's over with. Then we went grocery shopping, which also took forever. They didn't get home until like midnight... oops. That night I was feeling super lonely until me and Alexis, a girl from the floor above me who was also alone, decided to go hang out with the boys across the hall from me. They're pretty cool, I guess. Hahaha. Alexis slept over in my apartment since we were both alone. The doors and blinds here are SKETCHY. They're always moving and slamming and making freaky noises. So. We kept each other company while we facebook stalked. In the morning she went back to her apartment and we both got ready for church! We realized there was a park across the street so we went over there and played before we had church at 11. We all met as a stake most of the time, then split into wards at the end. The talks that were given were about trusting in the Lord and patience. Uh, HI. Like exactly what I needed right now. I love how that works. The guy who gave the talk about trusting in the Lord said something like "trust in the Lord, and he will help you deal with your dishes." It was really funny, but it hit me that the Lord really does care about ALL of our problems. Even dishes. I can't decide how I feel about the fact that there are like seven people were I live that I went to high school with... Eh. My ward seems pretty cool, and the second counselor who explained everything was HILARIOUS. I'm excited. Now I'm back in my apartment, getting ready to each lunch and then make cookies for boys. And maybe read a book that I have to write a paper on by Wednesday. ...Eh, probably not that last one...

Quote of the day: "I know that God loves you and wants you to be happy. I also know that the Devil hates you and wants you to be miserable." Choose happiness, friends!

faith, trust, and freedom

Oh hey.

I suck at updating my blog. Sorry 'bout that.

I'm going to ramble now.

Sometimes, you just have to give up trying to be perfect and please everyone and just have faith that whatever happens, that's the way God wants it.

Boy, have I learned that.

Seriously.

The past couple weeks I've actually been HAPPY. 

Finally.

And not the kind of happy that depends on how I look, or how people are treating me.

The kind where I can eat a gallon of ice cream while watching a movie alone in my room on a Friday night and be totally okay with that!

The kind where I can go out in public looking like a complete hobo and not give a crap.

The kind where I can actually fall asleep at night because I'm not worrying about every little thing in my life.

I finally feel content with everything.

My life may not be perfect.

Everything definitely doesn't happen the way I want it to.

But I've finally learned that that's how it's SUPPOSED to be. 

And if I can be happy when things are going wrong, I can't wait until things are going right.

My life is between me and the Lord.

My HAPPINESS is between me and the Lord.

What the heck was I doing trying to be happy without Him in my life?

Trust me, it doesn't work very well.

Going up to girl's camp was probably the best decision ever.

I was only there for two days, but it was SO WORTH IT.

Oh man.

I felt so at peace up there.

This is so cheesy, but the earth and nature is really a beautiful thing. To me, it's proof that God exists.

Also,

I saw someone at the store today that I hadn't seen in ages.

Someone who I, at one point, basically worshiped.

And if they didn't give me the attention I wanted, I got upset/sad. 

Ha. Back when I was in high school.

BUT I didn't feel anything when I saw them!

I waved, and that was it.

The thing is, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE what they think of me.

I don't care if they don't talk to me,

or if they don't like me.

Because I can be totally happy without them.

Big thanks to girl's camp and prayer for teaching me that.

WOO.

It's weird that I used to be so depressed BECAUSE I felt so alone,

and now, I'm even more alone.

But I'm happy!

Because while I may be alone in the sense that I have no real friends, or whatever.

I really have the best friend I could EVER ask for.

My Heavenly Father :)

As cheesy as that sounds, it's totally true.

Anyways.

I'm moving away in like 16 days... and that's kind of freaking me out.

But for some reason I kind of feel like the freedom that I'll get from being away from home will help me.

Somehow. 

I don't know.

I'm starting to realize that I think I'm actually going to MISS some of the people here. 

The friends in my ward that I've grown up with, the boys I've liked through high school, my young women leaders.

And of course my family. Especially my sister.

Even though I'm slightly annoying that she's taking over my room.

Gah.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Have faith, trust God. He really does know what he's doing. Also, spending a couple days in the mountains being all spiritual is beyond wonderful.

Okay bye.

adventure is out there!

I've never been much of a planner.

Thinking through things too much ahead of time stresses me out.

Which is one reason I'm a big fan of ADVENTURES.

Those who know me, 

know this.

If you ask what we're going to do when we hang out,

I'll probably just suggest that we go on an adventure.

To which most people reply,

"And do what?"

No.

The point of an adventure is that you don't KNOW what you're going to do.

You just go with the flow,

let things happen,

and end up wherever you end up.

A GOOD adventure consists of:

good music,

fun people,

long talks,

randomness,

lots of driving,

and most importantly... no plan.

That's what's so great about adventures.

You have no idea what's going to happen.

And it's SO FUN! 

Sometimes it's so much better to just start driving and see where you end up than to plan exactly what you're going to do.

Summers are GREAT for adventures.

I've had some pretty fantastic ones.

Let's adventure sometime?

Anyway.

T minus 32 days.

That's when the biggest adventure of my LIFE is going to start.

Moving away from home,

living on my own,

starting college.

I have NO idea what's going to happen.

I don't know what to expect.

And for once, that thought actually scares me.

I don't have a job.

That scares me the most.

 But I'm trying to calm myself down by telling myself that it's just another adventure.

And it will be GREAT.

Whatever happens,

wherever I end up,

I will be just fine.

So I'm just going to go with the flow,

listen to lots of music,

go on occasional lonely drives,

make new friends,

be my crazy self,

and just let things play out however they're meant to.

All in the spirit of a real adventure.

Cheers! 

[special thanks to pixar for the title of this post. i LOVE that movie]

11:34 p.m.

have you ever thought about how many people think about you?

it's so bizarre.

imagine someone, out of the blue, thinking of your face.

something happens; they remember you.

your favorite song

the way you dress

the way you talk

the look in your eyes when you are happy.

they remember that about you, even if you haven't seen each other in years.

everything in life is a reminder of a person,

a place,

a memory.

you may think you've forgotten, 

but you haven't

Insomnia?

Today I realized that I really suck at updating my blog. Actually, I realize it quite often.. I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. But since it's 12:56 a.m. and I have absolutely nothing better to do, I figured I'd release some of these thoughts running around in my tired brain.


So here you have it, my thoughts for the day.


- The fact that I've progressed to the point of not even caring whether I look socially acceptable when I go out in public is probably shameful, but it's totally fine. If someone can't handle me in a giant t-shirt, cut-off sweats, knee high socks, toms, a messy bun, and a makeup-less face... well then, they don't deserve me at all. It's not like I have anyone to impress anyway. So, do not be alarmed if you happen to notice some girl walking down the hallway dressed like a hobo. And until further notice, I will continue dressing like I have no concept of what is acceptable in public.. because frankly, I don't really care how I look anymore.


- The Gospel is awesome. You know what's even more awesome? It's true. All of it! Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Hint: Yes. Yes it is. Sometimes it just makes me all tingly inside when I remember that we have someone who knows everything about us, all our innermost thoughts and desires, everything that makes us happy and all of our fears. Bonus points to that guy for ALWAYS being there for me. And I mean always. It's just the best. 


- Sometimes, little acts of kindness can make a day so much better. Even the absolute worst days have something good in them, you just have to search. Today, I happened to notice some small acts of kindness and kind words that made me more than slightly happy. At least for a minute. Example 1: Let me just preface this with saying that every once in a while I'm an idiot and forget to check whether I have money on my debit card (okay, maybe more than every once in a while). Today was one of those days, and after gathering an enormous pile of Mtn. Dew and junk food and waiting in line for five minutes, my card was rejected. Several times. Talk about awkward. Luckily, I happened to have thirteen dollars in my wallet. BUT. I was still two whole dollars short. Probably sensing my embarrassment, the cashier said without hesitation, "Hey, don't worry about it. You're all good" and gave me my stuff. MADE MY DAY. It's people like that that restore my faith in the human race. Example 2: Upon logging onto facebook this afternoon, I received a friend request from the daughter of one of my parents' old friends. Okay, random. But I accepted. Not two minutes later I had a notification and a post on my wall saying that they received my graduation announcement and that she thought I was the prettiest girl she'd ever seen in her entire life. Again, day made. Example 3: You know those boys who are just so sweet that you want to squeeze their cheeks and cuddle with them all day whilst watching Disney films and eating fruit snacks? I was texting one of those boys today, when he randomly said, "Believe me when I tell you. I promise, you're insanely beautiful." It's moments like that when I want to like boys. 


- In case you missed that last sentence, let me just refresh your memory. "It's moments like that when I want to like boys." Key word: want. Meaning even when boys are extraordinarily cute and say adorable things, I just can't bring myself to like them. Even when the thought of seeing them gives me butterflies.. there's still something inside of me that says, "Tiffany, stop it. Boys are jerks, remember? Their hobbies include running round leaving scars and collecting their jar of hearts. You aren't allowed to like boys ever again." And sometimes I listen to that voice, because it's usually right. 


- It's probably kind of sad how many times the thought "ohmygoodnessihateyouallwhat" goes through my head throughout the duration of the school day. More times than I'd like to count. But the truth is, I'm tired of seeing all the same people every day and dealing with the same exact crap day after day. 


- TWELVE DAYS. Twelve days. And one more time, for extra effect. TWELVE DAYS. Twelve days, and I will never see most of the people I've spent the past three (or six, or twelve...) years with ever again. Maybe this should make me sad. Maybe I should be dreading graduation because I'm moving on and leaving high school. But no. I will be sprinting down that stage to grab my diploma and get the heck out of this place as fast as possible. Peace out, y'all. 


- Loneliness is probably one of the worst feelings ever. You're tired of reaching out to people who don't care about you, and eventually you've given up. You sit through school all day, surrounded by people who don't know anything about you, and who don't really care to find out. They laugh and talk around you as you feel yourself choke up, counting down the seconds until the bell rings and you can escape and just be alone. You walk out to your car, holding back the tears, but as soon as your door shuts and you have the music blasting, you can't help but let a single tear roll down your cheek as you realize that no one here truly cares about you. You put on a smile throughout the day, but when you finally lay in bed and turn out the lights, the tears start coming and eventually your body is racked with sobs. And the  worst moment is when you realize you're so used to being lonely that the pain has become numbed and you actually look forward to being alone. But I think the moments I yearn to be most isolated are the moments I need someone to love me the most.


- I don't make any sense. Even to myself. I buy tons of cute clothes, yet I somehow end up wearing clothes that look like I bought them in the boys section at D.I. every single day. I always want to hang out with people, but when people ask me to hang out I make excuses not to. I want to fall in love and live happily ever after, but I'm afraid of getting close to anyone. I'm afraid of going to sleep at night, but only because I don't want to face the morning.


- Pandora is the greatest thing to ever exist. Really. Secondhand Serenade comes in close second. 


- I am a loser! Let me explain. This realization has hit me the past few months as I have spent every moment of my life attending school, completing homework, procrastinating homework by being lazy, working, or sleeping. And when I'm not doing any of the above things I'm usually content to lay in bed and watch a sappy chick flick. Not to mention the fact that I own a completely useless piece of technology called my cell phone. That thing sits in my pocket all day. I don't even know why anyone would get the desire to text me. Usually I just use it to take funny pictures of myself and check the time. See what I mean by loser? And maybe I'm completely okay with that. NO SHAME.


- The obsession that I've had with One Direction the past six months is probably really unhealthy, and the vast amount of time I spend staring at their poster on my wall or reblogging pictures of them or talking about them is most likely extremely annoying to any human being who comes in contact with me, but to be honest... I couldn't care less. Call me crazy, but I'm in love with five perverted, homosexual, extremely attractive, hilarious boys from Europe whom I have never met. But really. Let's all just take a moment to appreciate Harry's luscious hair, Zayn's angel face, Liam's adorableness, Niall's contagious laugh, and Louis' randomness and buff arms... and you'll see what I mean. 


- Sometimes in seminary my teacher attempts to stir our minds by asking thought provoking questions like "If you could spend one hour with the Savior, what would you ask him?" And sometimes, a random girl shouts, "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND." And sometimes, I completely agree. I need that boy. I cannot wait until we meet, go on our first date, have our first kiss, blah blah blah... MARRIAGE. And then we will emerge from the temple, sealed for time and all eternity, the happiest smiles you've ever seen stretched across our faces. It'll be the best day ever. But until then, I'll be waiting patiently for my dream boy to find his way into my life. I'm seventeen and craving marriage, it's totally normal. Or maybe not. But I'm used to abnormal. 


And an hour later, I'm still rambling. If you've even gotten this far, I commend you for your ability to endure long and boring blog posts. If not... well then, I'm just rambling to myself. 


...Not gonna lie, I've been staring at the screen for the past five minutes trying to come up with a creative and entertaining way to end this post... but I got nothing.


Peace out.