faith, trust, and freedom

Oh hey.

I suck at updating my blog. Sorry 'bout that.

I'm going to ramble now.

Sometimes, you just have to give up trying to be perfect and please everyone and just have faith that whatever happens, that's the way God wants it.

Boy, have I learned that.

Seriously.

The past couple weeks I've actually been HAPPY. 

Finally.

And not the kind of happy that depends on how I look, or how people are treating me.

The kind where I can eat a gallon of ice cream while watching a movie alone in my room on a Friday night and be totally okay with that!

The kind where I can go out in public looking like a complete hobo and not give a crap.

The kind where I can actually fall asleep at night because I'm not worrying about every little thing in my life.

I finally feel content with everything.

My life may not be perfect.

Everything definitely doesn't happen the way I want it to.

But I've finally learned that that's how it's SUPPOSED to be. 

And if I can be happy when things are going wrong, I can't wait until things are going right.

My life is between me and the Lord.

My HAPPINESS is between me and the Lord.

What the heck was I doing trying to be happy without Him in my life?

Trust me, it doesn't work very well.

Going up to girl's camp was probably the best decision ever.

I was only there for two days, but it was SO WORTH IT.

Oh man.

I felt so at peace up there.

This is so cheesy, but the earth and nature is really a beautiful thing. To me, it's proof that God exists.

Also,

I saw someone at the store today that I hadn't seen in ages.

Someone who I, at one point, basically worshiped.

And if they didn't give me the attention I wanted, I got upset/sad. 

Ha. Back when I was in high school.

BUT I didn't feel anything when I saw them!

I waved, and that was it.

The thing is, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE what they think of me.

I don't care if they don't talk to me,

or if they don't like me.

Because I can be totally happy without them.

Big thanks to girl's camp and prayer for teaching me that.

WOO.

It's weird that I used to be so depressed BECAUSE I felt so alone,

and now, I'm even more alone.

But I'm happy!

Because while I may be alone in the sense that I have no real friends, or whatever.

I really have the best friend I could EVER ask for.

My Heavenly Father :)

As cheesy as that sounds, it's totally true.

Anyways.

I'm moving away in like 16 days... and that's kind of freaking me out.

But for some reason I kind of feel like the freedom that I'll get from being away from home will help me.

Somehow. 

I don't know.

I'm starting to realize that I think I'm actually going to MISS some of the people here. 

The friends in my ward that I've grown up with, the boys I've liked through high school, my young women leaders.

And of course my family. Especially my sister.

Even though I'm slightly annoying that she's taking over my room.

Gah.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Have faith, trust God. He really does know what he's doing. Also, spending a couple days in the mountains being all spiritual is beyond wonderful.

Okay bye.