Insomnia?

Today I realized that I really suck at updating my blog. Actually, I realize it quite often.. I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. But since it's 12:56 a.m. and I have absolutely nothing better to do, I figured I'd release some of these thoughts running around in my tired brain.


So here you have it, my thoughts for the day.


- The fact that I've progressed to the point of not even caring whether I look socially acceptable when I go out in public is probably shameful, but it's totally fine. If someone can't handle me in a giant t-shirt, cut-off sweats, knee high socks, toms, a messy bun, and a makeup-less face... well then, they don't deserve me at all. It's not like I have anyone to impress anyway. So, do not be alarmed if you happen to notice some girl walking down the hallway dressed like a hobo. And until further notice, I will continue dressing like I have no concept of what is acceptable in public.. because frankly, I don't really care how I look anymore.


- The Gospel is awesome. You know what's even more awesome? It's true. All of it! Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Hint: Yes. Yes it is. Sometimes it just makes me all tingly inside when I remember that we have someone who knows everything about us, all our innermost thoughts and desires, everything that makes us happy and all of our fears. Bonus points to that guy for ALWAYS being there for me. And I mean always. It's just the best. 


- Sometimes, little acts of kindness can make a day so much better. Even the absolute worst days have something good in them, you just have to search. Today, I happened to notice some small acts of kindness and kind words that made me more than slightly happy. At least for a minute. Example 1: Let me just preface this with saying that every once in a while I'm an idiot and forget to check whether I have money on my debit card (okay, maybe more than every once in a while). Today was one of those days, and after gathering an enormous pile of Mtn. Dew and junk food and waiting in line for five minutes, my card was rejected. Several times. Talk about awkward. Luckily, I happened to have thirteen dollars in my wallet. BUT. I was still two whole dollars short. Probably sensing my embarrassment, the cashier said without hesitation, "Hey, don't worry about it. You're all good" and gave me my stuff. MADE MY DAY. It's people like that that restore my faith in the human race. Example 2: Upon logging onto facebook this afternoon, I received a friend request from the daughter of one of my parents' old friends. Okay, random. But I accepted. Not two minutes later I had a notification and a post on my wall saying that they received my graduation announcement and that she thought I was the prettiest girl she'd ever seen in her entire life. Again, day made. Example 3: You know those boys who are just so sweet that you want to squeeze their cheeks and cuddle with them all day whilst watching Disney films and eating fruit snacks? I was texting one of those boys today, when he randomly said, "Believe me when I tell you. I promise, you're insanely beautiful." It's moments like that when I want to like boys. 


- In case you missed that last sentence, let me just refresh your memory. "It's moments like that when I want to like boys." Key word: want. Meaning even when boys are extraordinarily cute and say adorable things, I just can't bring myself to like them. Even when the thought of seeing them gives me butterflies.. there's still something inside of me that says, "Tiffany, stop it. Boys are jerks, remember? Their hobbies include running round leaving scars and collecting their jar of hearts. You aren't allowed to like boys ever again." And sometimes I listen to that voice, because it's usually right. 


- It's probably kind of sad how many times the thought "ohmygoodnessihateyouallwhat" goes through my head throughout the duration of the school day. More times than I'd like to count. But the truth is, I'm tired of seeing all the same people every day and dealing with the same exact crap day after day. 


- TWELVE DAYS. Twelve days. And one more time, for extra effect. TWELVE DAYS. Twelve days, and I will never see most of the people I've spent the past three (or six, or twelve...) years with ever again. Maybe this should make me sad. Maybe I should be dreading graduation because I'm moving on and leaving high school. But no. I will be sprinting down that stage to grab my diploma and get the heck out of this place as fast as possible. Peace out, y'all. 


- Loneliness is probably one of the worst feelings ever. You're tired of reaching out to people who don't care about you, and eventually you've given up. You sit through school all day, surrounded by people who don't know anything about you, and who don't really care to find out. They laugh and talk around you as you feel yourself choke up, counting down the seconds until the bell rings and you can escape and just be alone. You walk out to your car, holding back the tears, but as soon as your door shuts and you have the music blasting, you can't help but let a single tear roll down your cheek as you realize that no one here truly cares about you. You put on a smile throughout the day, but when you finally lay in bed and turn out the lights, the tears start coming and eventually your body is racked with sobs. And the  worst moment is when you realize you're so used to being lonely that the pain has become numbed and you actually look forward to being alone. But I think the moments I yearn to be most isolated are the moments I need someone to love me the most.


- I don't make any sense. Even to myself. I buy tons of cute clothes, yet I somehow end up wearing clothes that look like I bought them in the boys section at D.I. every single day. I always want to hang out with people, but when people ask me to hang out I make excuses not to. I want to fall in love and live happily ever after, but I'm afraid of getting close to anyone. I'm afraid of going to sleep at night, but only because I don't want to face the morning.


- Pandora is the greatest thing to ever exist. Really. Secondhand Serenade comes in close second. 


- I am a loser! Let me explain. This realization has hit me the past few months as I have spent every moment of my life attending school, completing homework, procrastinating homework by being lazy, working, or sleeping. And when I'm not doing any of the above things I'm usually content to lay in bed and watch a sappy chick flick. Not to mention the fact that I own a completely useless piece of technology called my cell phone. That thing sits in my pocket all day. I don't even know why anyone would get the desire to text me. Usually I just use it to take funny pictures of myself and check the time. See what I mean by loser? And maybe I'm completely okay with that. NO SHAME.


- The obsession that I've had with One Direction the past six months is probably really unhealthy, and the vast amount of time I spend staring at their poster on my wall or reblogging pictures of them or talking about them is most likely extremely annoying to any human being who comes in contact with me, but to be honest... I couldn't care less. Call me crazy, but I'm in love with five perverted, homosexual, extremely attractive, hilarious boys from Europe whom I have never met. But really. Let's all just take a moment to appreciate Harry's luscious hair, Zayn's angel face, Liam's adorableness, Niall's contagious laugh, and Louis' randomness and buff arms... and you'll see what I mean. 


- Sometimes in seminary my teacher attempts to stir our minds by asking thought provoking questions like "If you could spend one hour with the Savior, what would you ask him?" And sometimes, a random girl shouts, "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND." And sometimes, I completely agree. I need that boy. I cannot wait until we meet, go on our first date, have our first kiss, blah blah blah... MARRIAGE. And then we will emerge from the temple, sealed for time and all eternity, the happiest smiles you've ever seen stretched across our faces. It'll be the best day ever. But until then, I'll be waiting patiently for my dream boy to find his way into my life. I'm seventeen and craving marriage, it's totally normal. Or maybe not. But I'm used to abnormal. 


And an hour later, I'm still rambling. If you've even gotten this far, I commend you for your ability to endure long and boring blog posts. If not... well then, I'm just rambling to myself. 


...Not gonna lie, I've been staring at the screen for the past five minutes trying to come up with a creative and entertaining way to end this post... but I got nothing.


Peace out.